Well that time has come again for mur to go earn us some pennies and while he's visiting santa in Greenland i'm holding the fort alone here! AAAhhhhh!
Things have been crazy since he left at 3am on Friday morning as Joseph is teething and at over 15lbs is no lightweight to wrestle with when he's screaming! he's started being sick again too and its been going everywhere! (even in the coop!)so its been a really rubbish weekend! but back to work tomoro so there's no rest for me!
The house is really empty without mur and dot, not really sure what to do with myself and the handheld dyson is really freaking out sitting unused (its fully charged and ready to go - lol!!!) my god, the house is sooo tidy and he says i'm the messy one ......?? the jury is still out on that!!
Joseph is eating twice a day at the moment and steamed pear and baby rice is his favourite, but i am going to try him with some other veg this week so that should be fun! he's usually really laid back, happy, smiley and very cheeky looking! he's managed to roll over twice and i'm sure he shouts "mum or mumma" when he yells on me in the morning! He is the spitting image of murray and is really getting so grown up and as Annie said to me today "each day seems to last forever, but the weeks fly bye!!" and it is so true! i cannot believe that my beautiful little precious baby is 18 weeks old tomoro! it breaks my heart! and having to leave him to go to work splits me in two! but i have to go in and sort out the complete mess that has been caused in poor Astara and i know have worked so hard for 5 years to build it all but i am tired now and am missing so much of my beautiful boy! its horrible. i just want to be with him all the time and i bloody should be which is so annoying! He is just adoreable and smells delicious!!!
He also adores his bath and will hopefully be going swimming soon, possibly with me, auntie leeann and his big cousin Kirsten - who is adoreable, beautiful and the bestest, kindest, most patient and cutest "mini mum" he could possibly ask for! it's such a hard time just now all round, as i opened astara when leeann was pregnant with K, and i have missed so much of her growing up and its so scary that she starts big girl nursery this week in the afternoons!! i really feel for my poor sister this week! But the great thing is that Kirstens's getting to a really great age and that now joe is here we can all do things together and have tons of girlie times and i really hope i can seriously spoil this little cherub with lots of love (but only if she lets me!! lol) i'm sure there will be lots of family fun coming and plenty cups of tea to enjoy in the thunderdome!
one thing i want to make sure i log in my journal is that My other boy is all grown up and his heading to highschool! my beautiful nephew who for years has been my special boy is breaking my heart, i dont know how poor Leeann is coping. it just feels like yesterday that i was cuddling and kissing him, just like my baby joe! i have adored this boy like he was my own and i cant explain how this has been affecting me since his last birthday! It's been an emotional year for him with baby joe coming along and the sad thing is that he doesnt remember everything that we all did together or the years of fun me, him and leeann had! we've had so many really good times, done so much and loved each other so much that its making me sob just writing this! He's grown up and turned into the kind of boy you can be proud of, loving, caring, funny, generous, talented, happy, kind, and just really really special. There is not a person in the town that hasnt heard of him for all the right reasons, he's got an inner confidence that isnt arrogant and i hope with all my heart he soars this week when he goes to the waid. I hope everyone see's in him what we all do and they make a special place in their hearts for him as wherever he goes he touches people and they all love him. I know that everyone thats met him will have a "Fraser story" and i hope this is just the start of a fantastic future for him and that all the right doors open along the way for him in life, as he really is a special boy full of a kind of wonderfullness that you just dont find very often - Good Luck Fraser - i love you soo much! xxxxxxx
anyway since i'm now fully drenched under my raincloud of doom, i am really feeling down in the dumps just now!!! i dont fit into my clothes, murray said i look old, my hair needs cut, my horrible pigmentation on my face makes me look really tired and ugly and i've no therapists to give me any treatments. so i'm like an albino hairy goat and my pampered puss lifestyle is now well and truly gone - i feel like bloody cinderella .................. but where is my fairy godmother?????? i just dont feel like i belong or fit in anywhere whith anyone and i dont even look or feel like myself just now! this really sucks, i'm soooooo tired!!!
just feel like i need a night out or a day of something to look forward to or get dressed up for, but i'm lonely and bored if that could be possible at the same time as being so busy?? Not sure how i'm gonna get through this or what solutions i can come up with, this tigger has deffinately lost her bounce along with her tan!!
suggestions welcome ............ thats if anybody actually reads this drivel of a blog!!!!!!
much love xxxxxxx
2 comments:
awww Sarah - you will get back to being YOU! Your blog made me cry!!!!! much love Michelle - ps see you Friday xx
I'm here and I'm Reading! And crying lol. Thankyou for describing my babies so beatifully and with so much love. It means the world to me. Truly xx
you are still you! You are still the beautiful person you always were , whether tanned or not! You are just becoming an even more beautiful person than before, even if you will never exactly be as pampered as you were. there are things that are so much better than a tan, a pair of jeans even money!!
Nothing in the world can make your heart skip a beat, your throat tighten, eyes fill up and swell your heart all at the same time, like theweight of your baby in your arms. The hint of a smile as he gazes into your eyes while savouring his bottle. The way he calls for you and you know what he is asking. The way that you have created someone so perfect and wonderful - how can we ever Be the same after going on such an incredible journey???
You will find the new you, clothes that fit and make you feel good again, even the solutions to your heartaches at work.
As for your place in the world? You are there, you are home! Your place is beside those handsome boys and it seems to me that you fit in that spot perfectly xxxx
always here, love you XXXXXXX
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